Dealing with Uncertainty

Several years ago, I quit the only job I had ever known with the only company I had ever worked for.  I’d gotten a premonition about a year before, sitting at my desk, toiling away, then suddenly looking up, staring absent-mindedly at my surroundings, and realizing I wasn’t going to be there much longer.  I wasn’t sure what the events were going to be that would lead to me leaving, but I knew it was going to happen.

As it happens, my husband lost his job and decided he wanted to move west.  I had known this was coming – we talked about it before we got married – so when he brought it up to me, I hastily made the decision to quit my job.  I figured it was supposed to happen…I’d had that premonition.

Our quasi plans made and me very excited for the new adventure, my husband (of less than a year) decided to job hunt out west.  Needless to say, he quickly found a job.  I turned in my resignation.

But as the time neared for me to quit, I began having second thoughts.  My doubts were strengthened when I met someone that had a profound effect on me.  He was a business colleague at the time and I can’t explain the connection but there was certainly one there.  If I quit my job, then he wouldn’t be my business colleague anymore.  This seemed like a tragedy.  So, when the time came for me to follow through on my resignation, it was much tougher than I had anticipated.  I no longer wanted to go but I felt I had no choice.  I had a husband that was waiting for me in a different state.

My husband came and got me.  We drove through several states to our new home.  I cried the entire way and barely spoke a word to him.

There I was, no job, newly married, living in a different state with no friends or family around me.  I felt completely lost and out of my element.  Once more, I hadn’t made any plans for what I would do with all of my free time.  I hadn’t bothered to look for a job before quitting my last.  And my husband, who did not know how to deal with my melancholy, found one reason after another not to be home.  Not that I blame him.  It was a very dark time in my life, I had no clue how to deal with it, and I wasn’t pleasant to be around.

I remember that there was so much fear inside of me.  Fear of not being good enough to find another job.  Fear of not finding a job as good as the one I had.  Fear of not making new friends.  Fear that the people I had known would forget about me.

It took a few years to recover, to let it go, and get back to being happy.  It was a gradual process with plenty of bumps along the way but I managed to fumble through it.  I’m relieved to say that my husband stuck with me despite the misery I must have caused him.

Now that I have occasion to look back at the situation, it’s a classic example of how NOT to deal with uncertainty.

And I have occasion to look back at it because, in the middle of one of the most content periods of my life (so far), uncertainty is once again in the air.

This is the scenario:

The company I work for recently acquired another company with just as many employees.  We are now a company that has added about 25% more to its revenue with twice as many employees.  Redundancies abound and with that comes cost savings projects.

The office I work in was not getting much news about the acquisition.  I tried to shrug off the uneasiness that this brought about, excusing the lack of information as everyone being so busy with the acquisition.  Then, I heard through a colleague that the office that I work in will be closing.  This person wasn’t supposed to tell me of course, they had heard it from someone else, but because this person was not just my colleague but also my friend, I was trusted with the information.

I called my manager to confirm.  Her initial response was “Who told you that?” I dismissed that question of course, and asked if what I had heard was true.  She admitted it was true but also pointed out that there were people who were trying to prevent it from happening.

Many questions raced through my head but I decided to keep the conversation short.  My feelings were hurt that she hadn’t told me – I had to find out through someone else.  I had been loyal, valued our relationship…the fact that she didn’t tell me such important information made me question a lot of things.  I left the office early that day.  And I very quickly realized that just because I felt a certain way about our relationship didn’t mean that she had to feel the same way.  I decided that her lack of transparency was her decision.  I left it at that.  Ruminating on it was not productive.

My thoughts quickly shifted to the dozen people that I managed.  I grappled with whether or not to let them know what I had just heard.  Questions raced through my head that night.  Why burden them with uncertainty?  Why risk distracting them from the work that needed to be done and perhaps, more important than ever, needed to be done well?  In the end, I fixated on one question.  “If it were me, would I want to know?”  And the answer was yes.

So I told them.  The very next day.  I told them what I had heard and what I had done after getting the information.  I told them what I was told.  And I told them I was committed to going through the uncertainty with them if they chose to stay to find out the fate of the office.  I told them that I’d gone through uncertainty once before and that I didn’t handle it so well.  I told them I viewed this situation as an opportunity to do better.

That happened more than four months ago.  I’m still with the organization and only 1 person has left the team so far.  We’re still going through the uncertainty.  Many on my team  have expressed their sadness at the thought of leaving.  I’m humbled by their reason for staying.  They love the team we’ve built and they’re holding out hope that it’ll work in our favor.  I too am hopeful but it’s beginning to wane as time goes on and we continue to wait for a decision.  I don’t share this with my team though.

I recognized in them what I’d experienced once before…fear.  Fear that the next thing will not be as good.  Fear that my skill set will not measure up to other job seekers out there.  Fear that I’m not good enough.  These fears turned out to be unfounded.  I wanted to talk about these fears with my team and reassure everyone.  But I also know from experience that sometimes, reassurance isn’t enough.

`When I first went through uncertainty, so many people told me that everything would be okay, that I would land on my feet, etc.  But nothing any one said assuaged my fears. Others’ experiences meant nothing to me at the time…they weren’t in my situation.  In the end, I had to go through my fears.  On my own.

From that experience, I concluded that it’s a personal journey.  Look to people for support, for cheer, for guidance, for connections.  But in the end, it’s on the individual.  And it can be extremely intimidating, especially if one isn’t accustomed to uncertainty.  But, if done with intention and deliberateness, I’m convinced it can be a very rewarding experience.

So my focus has shifted to how I can help  my team prepare for their journey, in case they need to take it.  And not just how to prepare but to do it with intention and deliberateness.  What I mean by this is to take time to think about what they’d like to do next, what they’d like to experience, what situation they’d like to find themselves in, what their imagination can come up with.

Thus far, my first step has been to give each of them a pep talk on imagining their ideal situation  and encourage them to make a note of anything they come up with.  My second step was to set up an offsite meeting.  The subject line is “Resume Updates”.  I instructed the invitees to bring their resume in electronic form and as a group, we will all sit down and work on our resumes individually.  I’ve offered my help with formatting, wording, etc. I reiterated my original message – “we will go through this together.”

It’s only a couple of small steps so far but I trust that if another opportunity to help them  presents itself, I will recognize it and act appropriately.

In the meantime, here are my tips for dealing with uncertainty:

  • Stay grateful.  For everything positive that in life.  Think about the life lessons being learned from the uncertainty in life.  Make it a point to notice the little things in the every day that provide joy and bring about smiles.
  • It’s good to have money in the bank.  Every uncertain situation I’ve run across involves money – the fear of not having enough of it to get through the uncertain period can keep most of us up at night.  It’s very nice when this doesn’t have to be a worry.  Money in the bank to fall back on during uncertain periods provides tremendous relief.  Because it’s one less thing to worry about, it frees the mind to make better decisions, and maybe, just maybe, prevents having to settle for something just for the sake of money.
  • Establish a support network.  When the news hit me about my current work situation, I told a few of my friends.  Not just any friend but those that I knew were positive and had balanced lives.  There were also people in the office that were in the same boat as me.   The friends I chose to tell have checked in with me regularly to make sure I’m doing okay and my team has maintained an open line of communication.  It’s great to have people to talk to as long as the conversations are productive.
  • Help someone.  My sister gave me this advice the first time I went through uncertainty but I didn’t listen.  I wish I had.  Right now, I’m preoccupied with getting my team through this by helping them prepare for what’s next.  This has shifted my focus from my own worries to something infinitely more productive.
  • If the uncertainty happens to involve employment, spend time imagining what you’d like to do next.  Write ideas down or visualize scenarios.  In great detail.  As much detail as possible.  What does this do?  It trains your brain to look for whatever it is you’ve written down or visualized.
  • Have a creative outlet.  Paint, write, draw, take pictures, dance, sing, etc.  Set aside time every day to be creative.  The more time the better.
  • Be Patient.  Sometimes, events take a little while to play out and ideal situations need some time to materialize.